Adding a splash of colour to life;

Sunday, May 31, 2009 @ 1:13 PM

neither here nor there.

the school term's finally over.

liberty comes together with relief, yet emptiness i guess. sigh. sabbaticals week was plain torture; sorry for the constant rantings/complaints but i really should have chosen my sabbats): gahhh.

actually... the sabbats were generally.. fine, but you know one just feels like tearing herself apart in that enclosed room. my eyelids threatened to close like every minute. but at least we had some takeaways from those sessions, and fortunately they got better as the week passed.

we've been learning many many new songs in choir. the schedule's very rushed since we have to cram the learning of so many new songs into only limited practices.. so it all comes down to 1 new song per practice. and we need to rehearse for FOA and SYF showcase too.. which are ALL in july so coincidentally.

from now on, my life will be revolving around choir and studies. 3 times a week of practice in the holidays except the second week, then many, many practices in term3, including the struggling of revision for blocks. my life is so not going to be mundane anymore. what with like, 7 SIAs in the holidays. the stress is not coming to me yet but i hope it comes soon. then i'll have that drive and motivation and i'll be spurred on to complete everything on my checklist. yes yes this june holiday is going to be a productive one.

really looking forward to heartwarming gatherings eg 601 and RAS and with jerlyn and cass and 205 (if there is).. hopefully they will happen.

i suddenly find my recent posts so lifeless.. i dont know where my inspiration of posting went to. haha i realised i've turned into some lifeless fallen leaf from a tree but i want to be alive again.

so dear Mr holiday, your job is to wake Amanda Tan up from her deep sleep and make her realise how much more there is to the world, apart from the things she has been concentrating on for a really long time.

i need to go shopping.

Sunday, May 24, 2009 @ 9:09 PM

now that we're separated, it feels different.

the things we used to do, they all used to be the same. now they're all different it feels terribly.. strange. and sad most of the time. the so different lives we lead now will bring us towards different paths, i have realised that by now. its a fact that i've avoided so much; the moment it comes hitting hard on me, i'll fall.

as much as i hate to admit, the breakaway is inevitable... and is happening. the one and only solution is to accept it, and live with it.

ugh sabbs week. total dread.

Friday, May 22, 2009 @ 9:47 PM

hidden in a deep hole;

missed school today because i felt like the world's hovering a million miles away on top of my head.

and the day before i slept at 905, intending to wake up at 930. but somehow my nervous system never gets in contact with my handphone alarm anymore so i stupidly off-ed my handphone alarm without being alarmed. and jolene called at 10+ and told me to wake up. i said i would but in the end i just went to the toilet to pee, asked my mom where my dad was (as i vaguely remembered) and went back. to. sleep. today morning at 530 i woke up with a start and realised, i've nevr touched anything except half of math ws question 1. then i collapsed back to bed and this determined my fate for today. ahhhhh felt super shitty today.

could only sleep and eat, and though i felt so much like going for choir i couldnt drag my feet for more than the distance from my room to my mom's room which is like, 5m? so yeah.

felt sad being away from school.. it felt so empty and bare. i feel like i missed out on a lot of things; (im the kind who will not feel assured no matter how people assure me)

on a random note, i wanna go shopping. the yearn for it within me as doubled itself... SHOPPINGGG. cant wait for holidays to come. wait, today was the last day of school.. and sabs next week):

not looking forward to sabs AT ALL because firstly, i didnt even choose my sabs and secondly, i got placed into FILM and omg i forgot what the next one is. see, i dont even know about my sabbatical. this sucks big-time. i want a re-sab selection. DANCE but its gone): all because i waited. or hesitated. thats never going to be the case again, i promise myself. sadsad):

sighs. at least there'll be openhouse tomorrow. something different and related to choir(: let the worries of the horrible sabbaticals be gone.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 @ 4:57 PM

untouched;

xxx

yesterday was a tiring day. school sucked; mind went totally blank for bio quiz, but at least i got like a 5): i think my brain is exhausted, sighs. choir after that was very rushed and tensed. took sectionals with leting and boy, i must admit that we really need to improve. i think i'll retake piano for the sake of choir. but anyhow, typewriter was a terribly annoying yet hilarious song, haha.

then today was csm. nothing much happened as usual. the main highlights were shannon&jolene running, loyee's new fringe(LOL), cheering and the free milo grabs. the milo was awesome although the queues werent. then shannon and jolene came over for a while(:

there's one mountainous pile of homework untouched and undone.. i think i'll have to rush it through, before i have any unfinished and overdue work again. jiayou amanda!

me, beishi and hannah(:

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 @ 1:42 AM

separation;

we went to see yunge off on sunday.

it wasnt what i thought it would be like. i never imagined that it would leave such a great impact on me. seeing her go; it was an emotionally tortorous process. at that very spark of the moment, it suddenly dawned on me that she was leaving. really leaving, creating an uncertainty of when she'll ever be back. and then suddenly every single thing that she did matters so much more than before.

people dont actually realise how fortunate they are, and sometimes even lament about the way things are. its only till the very moment when someone important leaves, will we then realise the significance of that certain someone in our lives. its an art to really cherish all the moments people have with one another, and we all have to learn how to master it.

tears were inevitable, but each teardrop that we shed, signifies the importance of yunge to us. and that, already shows how much we love her. hopefully, in time to come, we will not forget what separation truly and means, and cherish everything we have in life, no matter what it takes.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 @ 6:26 PM

summing up to infinity;

okay since my tuition teacher forgot to come (and i rushed home and chiong-ed zuowen for nothing), i shall grab this opportunity to post about the very.. eventful week.

first things first, last weekend was just simply awesome.

it was one of the best weekends i've ever had in my entire life. i still remember it quite vividly in my mind - saturday: 205 gathering @ siloso/vivo, sunday: a thrilling "retail therapy".

class gathering 4

OHMMM. (inside joke!)

the gathering at sentosa organised for our very dear yunge was splendid. i had a really great feeling about it the night before, and it turned out better than i thought. it started with a commotion at harbourfront mrt, where everyone was waiting for others to arrive, etc. then we headed to kopitiam in vivocity for lunch.

something really embarrassing happened during lunch; a man selling tissue was "patrolling" the food court, and wanglaoshi assumed that he was the cleaner so she passed her whole tray of food to him. then she realised that man was actually asking her to buy the packets of tissue. jolene and shannon saw it and burst out laughing like hell, and soon after the 3 occupied tables knew what happened LOL. wanglaoshi was so embarrassed her face was priceless, haha.

then we headed to siloso @ sentosa. the first part wasnt really a get together cos a few people went to cycle with wanglaoshi while the rest stayed behind for ball games, which abruptly ended due the hot sun. i can remember that chenxi was sitting on some rock that made me really amazed. the whole point of going to siloso was to get in contact with sand, and yet she was treating it like some horrible enemy and taking a rock as a shield. LOL. it was so funny. then everyone just sat in a circle and we started talking about stupid things. it really felt like in the past.

soon, somehow the nearby resort lured a few of us in, and we were taken aback by the amazing facilities and ignorance they have; we played in the arcade, billiard and table tennis although we werent allowed to haha. that was the best part of the gathering at sentosa, but sadly it didnt involve the group of us.. but yeah. i had my first try at table tennis and i managed to hit the ball consecutively for 3 times hahaha. and it was damn hilarious because we the inexperienced people kept hitting the ball either too hard, or out of angle such that the ball always flew to the other table and disrupted the men's game. it was a killer.

halfway a few of us left including wanglaoshi, and then we went back to vivocity with initial plans of catching a movie but the seats werent very good, so we went roaming around for a suitable restaurant instead. we went to this restaurant called "the mussel guys" which was quite posh and had an amazing view of the sea/sun. the food was really really good too, but the only thing that held us back was the money problem. the bill, rather. nanyang girls really put what they've learnt into good use, i realised. whatever that we did was unbelievable; people starting counting compound and simple interest, and in the end we came out with a conclusion that it was compound interest and we spent the whole half an hour deluding ourselves into the math - reality world. yunge yuka rosanne and i were laughing the whole way while the other half of the table was doing it. the bill was $163.15 altogether, and there was $1 short all because of gst and we made a huge fuss out of it, HAHAH. it was a really exhilarating experience.

oh oh then we headed up to the rooftop pools (?) where people stick their feet in and walk around like children. at least that was what we did. vanessa calls it the freaking niao4 shui3 which totally made people laugh their guts out, but we continued being in the water anyway. it was really fun, waddling about in the water and jumping about. i think we made a lot of noise but who cares haha.

went windowshopping for a while and reached home at around 11, and surprisingly i didnt get a scolding lol.

the gathering was super fun; it brought back memories of us being a class during the past 2 years. its really sad that most of us or at least i myself didnt cherish all the moments we've had together enough, and now i truly understanding the meaning of “当你失去了它，你才懂得怎样珍惜。”time can never turn back, but you know, at least i've got precious memories that will be kept close to my heart. 205 is and will be the best class i have in my whole life(:

and ultimately, this gathering is for yunge who's migrating to US this sunday.

having one less member of 205'08 will feel really incomplete, but rest assured that the 205 spirit will always be with you, and every other 205er.♥

here are the group photos we took: the rest are uploaded on facebook(:

notice that saiying is "kiapp-ed" int he middle of S.

at the mussel guys(:

rooftop!

205 whoosh!♥

sunday: outing with the Ls

im glad i didnt let the fatigue that conjured up from the past few nights of late turning ins overwhelm me, because this outing was goodddd.

first stop was lido, where we watched a freaky spooky (insert any adj that describes a ghost show) but meaningful movie. "the uninvited" was really really good; it had a good plot with a good twist although the things and creatures that came into sight werent that pleasant.. heh. i recommend this movie to EVERYONE out there. :D after blocks you should really find thrills in life by doing things like this, hahaha.

next, we went to raffles city and somehow started window shopping. first looking at clothes, then trying them on. its really amazing to think of the vast difference in our first and latest outings; last time we used to visit places like the arcade.. and now we're doing shopping HAHAHA. girls. anyway, it was really quite a unique experience, finding out about which clothes are suitable for each of us, then camwhoring illegally in the changing rooms. haha we somehow spent 2-3 hours doing this and then headed down to soup spoon for a rest. :D

like loyee, i finally understood what "retail therapy" really meant.

yes we should do more of this next time!♥

monday: billiard @ jolene's & guitar lesson

billiard was exhilarating LOL. watching people playing it and playing it yourself are two really different things; lost touch with the sticks and the balls since mr goh brought us out, so i was really noob at it hahah. and i even went to the extent of climbing onto the table to shoot the ball in heh. sadly i cant find my phone limewire so i cant upload unglam photos of shannon and jolene ): yesyes. dinner was good and so was guitar lesson. although the teacher commented that my fingers were too short D: and both of them burst into laughter. omg it was really embarassing but luckily there was only one other guy in the room lol.

hmm.. what else?

oh yes. 2.4 on tuesday was.. i dont know. nerve-wrecking. it didnt feel right; i think i ran one less round and my timing is bad but compared to last time was a great improvement LOL. should really build up on my stamina, no more sleeping-till-noon weekends!! a hell load of stuff happened this week, but im glad they're all over. got back biology, and i think im quite disappointed although i mugged the entire night before away. ):
i think my MSG is going to hit like really low this time. i need to pull my socks up. its gonna be hard, but i have to do it.

tomorrow's nyss performance; hopefully we wont screw it up lol. and choir after school, yay cant wait(:

Thursday, May 07, 2009 @ 4:48 PM

an egg without a shell;

today mrs ang showed us an amazing reaction of an egg being immersed into hydrochloric acid; the whole shell like totally came off. it was gross and the black+white quail egg turned into like, veggie-green and foam. chemistry is simply amazing.

anyway, im at home now, trying to finish a compo called “心灵之窗”before tuition starts and i've owed my tuition teacher this compo for ages hahaha. im so glad block tests are over. no more mugging into late nights and pressing on. okay maybe there's still one whole chunk of SIAs, hw... but we'll all live through it, like we always do(:

got back physics on yesterday. it wasnt like i havent expected it, but i cant believe i was so.. ?! until i forgot to write my name -.- and mrs wong had to search for who the mysterious person is (me) and she told the whole process to the class. but i wasnt paying attention. i just kept looking at those red marks. and i felt horribly.. guilty. and suddenly the taboo-ed words triggered tears and everything just flowed out. i dont know if its just meant to be, but it was just merely 3 marks. three marks. ): omg and its PHYSICSSS. its science. weightage is 1. howhowhow. my report book is going to turn out horrible.
anyhow, im really thankful to those who stood by me. those hugs and encouragements really helped(: i dont know how to feel about this subject now; am i just not meant to do it? managing expectations isnt an easy thing, but zomg im like failing everything; my chinese is like ?! sighs. oh and have i mentioned, i didnt manage to sign up for sabbs in time, so i'll get sorted randomly.

it's really hard to accept that things are just the way they are now. the path ahead is so uncertain, so how? ):

just live through it, just live through it.

tomorrow's chemistry SPA and i've got chinese compo due tomorrow. hopefully i dont break test tubes or be at a total loss of what to do for chem spa and fail it. the best of luck to 304!

to you: you dont have to act differently or hide your supposed satisfaction to me, just because i've gotten so much lower. although it'll definitely feel awkward, please just be natural and be happy for yourself. and i'll be happy for you too.