Thursday, April 30, 2009 @ 11:53 PM
get back on your feet.
chemistry results was an utter disappointment, and my efficiency rate has been super screwed nowadays. as i go deeper into the physics world, the feeling of not belonging in the science world is getting stronger. physics was plain hell; my mind was totally blank when i faced the paper. i dont know how to face mrs wong, who's my form teacher and the setter of the paper. i cant say i've tried my best after sleepless or late nights that thoroughly affected my body system.
its tiring, and its very stressful. stress doesnt set in immediately; it sets in after a while. seeing jacinta tear for a while made me tear too, cos i really feel the same way as her. its not about not taking it easy, its just too hard. im just not made to be in a triple science class, but there's no turning back now. no matter how much i regret, it's just one path full of uncertainty ahead of me. i need to feel stronger. i cant succumb to it, and i wont ever let myself fall into a helpless state again. thanks julie, for praying for me. it really helped, and i can say i had a revelation after we ended the call. its like somehow i can feel the communication from God more now.
i want to be like in sec1, when everything i do isnt just an obligation but out of interest too. yes things wont go right all the time, but at least its the joy in the things that i do that matters. its all gone now, and im frantically trying to find that 'thing' back. sec3 is tougher than i thought it would be, and the only thing is to keep yourself going and living by your faith and strength. anyhow, i would like to thank every single person who have stood by me. you've given me strength and hope to keep me going. (:
the last lap to run; bio and math tests next week, for 2 consecutive days with cip right on tuesday. you can do it, amanda. you're not alone.