choir today..

i feel very disappointed with myself.

i didnt know that it is that bad): i felt like tearing my hair today. i couldnt really reach high notes, i couldnt even sing and "sit" on a middle ranged note. its definitely not easy, but.. omgosh its driving me really crazy): tried my best to suck back all the tears of disappointment.
yes, many problems are surfacing, or rather, have already surfaced for i want to see them, be it the tonality, the chords, whatever. but..i dont feel secured enough. its not about anyone else, just myself. i couldnt really tune properly, the voice quality was just.. wrong.

i really detest the inconsistency that i possess. sometimes i just sink so much in self doubt, and i wont know whether im on the right track or not. something is just really really wrong with me.

i really feel like crying out loud and giving up, but i cant. because im from nanyang choir, and because im sec 3.

its time to push push push myself harder.
challenge your limits, amanda tan.
dont give up.