*choir<3

today was such a lovable one(:
choir was quite fun, cos we had this nutty talking session so that we could somehow laugh our hearts out without having to worry whether we would offend someone.
then came home and spent two hours here, and set off again. apparently, my sickening sense of direction made leting and i travel all the way to orchard mrt which was super far from our intended destination to newton. hoho. and then. more than usual, we crapped around again(: and had this heart to heart talk.
this WEIRD person claims that im funny and humourous, which i think not. haha. maybe im just like that when im "comfy". figure that out. we were later joined by tzehui and baoxian, and met wenjing at city hall.
had a little insight on the insides of raffles city shopping center(i think?) and then settled down in burger king, and shifted our butts to mos burger instead. well, both are selling the same old burgers of course, but the price was totally different, so yeah. then we headed to ben and jerry's from ice cream.:D

didnt regret a single bit forking out a precious 4.90 for a tiny cup of choco brownie ice cream. it was heavenlicious(: all thanks to that devil, leting. hurh. and we took some photos.

hoho. glad that the fountain was shot.

eh? they were planning some sacarstic look with the inbalance of eyebrows! look at leting. haha. and tzehui's quite successful on that too!

had a great time spasticing around and walked to vch. and oh my gosh, im SO gonna blog bout this.
leting has an amazingsuperbfantaliciousfabulous voice!
fit in all other good adjectives yourself; my english was NEVER good.
anyway.
LIKE OMG LA. she could sing like a total singer. even though she was using her throat voice, like what she claims, i dont think people will notice it. it was spotless; meaning it was round, "full" and most of all, MESMIRISING. i think im turning into a total freak talking to myself about her voice. but. ITS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING TOUCHING THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD. talented and more talented. and if i didnt know her and i heard her voice, i would have thought she was some sort of a genius. which she already is.
but seriously. for voices that actually touch my heart, hers is one of the few(: feel honoured, darling!<3>boring and even intended not to join choir at the beginning. and truthfully, i thought going to choir was a chore. i thought of choir only as a plain cca, not planning to get attached to it, nothing. and so the only thing i put my full heart to is my class, which isnt a very wrong thing to do, but not quite a good thing either. the way people enjoy their ccas made me feel so jealous, so miserable that i was wondering how in the world could have joined the gruesome choir.
and from then on, choir seemed like a total monster to me. i was going to choir just for the sake of having a cca. no feelings for it, nothing at all. oh and here it comes. i thought that everything will be fine after a while, it was just a moment of being "angry". and thats how i went on.
in the middle of the year, things start to develop. stronger bonds developed between seniors and me, although quite little, between my own section and me, and obviously, my level and me. and since then, these few people were the kind of force that attracted me to choir, rather than repel from it. im SO thankful of that. i tried liking choir then. well, it was a start, cos at least i've got something to look forward to when i go there. and i must say, this "mission" i worked on turned out quite successfully. it cant be counted as attaching myself to choir, but at least i liked it sometimes. and some of the other times not liking it for specifically mean reasons. and i cant believe what i did, but i forced myself to. like forcing up a totally fake smile on my face and tried talking, but although i did, i didnt put my true heart to it.
when seniors ask me whether i do adore choir, i couldnt decide. there was this hesitation before i blurted out a forced "yes", and pulling on a smile after that. but in my heart, i felt totally disgusted with myself. i actually lied. although there were really times when i loved choir to nothing but bits, it wasnt to the extent of loving it forever truely yet. and i feel so freakishly disgusted with myself for telling a lie. its not exactly a white lie, but most importantly, i lied to myself. i was indecisive on my own heart. one part of me was full of remorse and the other was actually laughing at me derisively. and a small speck of light actually appeared in my heart somehow, like those candles, but quite "unstable", telling me to not tell lies anymore, but follow my heart. and i guess this whole thing explains my quiet-ness during choir.
and now, i dont quite feel that im attached to choir yet, but at least i know where im heading for, how i want to feel, and how i want to express it.
but in someway or another, i have a strong belief that i will, somehow and someday, love choir with all my heart, regardless of all other hurtful things. so that if anyone ever pops out this question of whether i like choir, i will confidently spurt out a definite yes, without no hesitations whatsoever.

whosh, i feel that my heart's quite light again. its like spilling out a secret i've been trying to keep for so long, and which is threatening to cut my heart up into pieces. haha. many thanks to darling leting who let me 敞开了心门。
im really thankful to all these significant chorister mates(like leting). although it seems that they didnt do anything, actually they did by being true to me about choir and trusting me, and thanks<3cos 最大的鼓励就是信任,right?

now rereading all these seem like i've been crapping again.:D

im quite contented anyways.
well. nights!