its becoming so much more worse than ever.. now its just like a moving picture, where things really do happen, but i just see and hear and touch, without a feeling.
i've been trying to grab any feeling i've got at every and any moment, but there doesnt seem to be any. i dont feel excited, nor do i feel sad or angry or disappointed or happy any longer. i dont get excited when im supposed to, nor do i feel happy when its the time to. i just feel like im cast into a deep sleep by unknown people, and im just moving in a dream. if this whole thing is a dream, why do things seem so perfect? i would have wanted things to turn this way last time, but now, its just... nothing.
nothing does not feel like nothing anymore. everything seems like nothing. not that i get what i just said, but seriously, its like im just my body. my soul's gone.

i emphasize, my soul's gone.

how in this world am i suppose to get it back? i think i've been keeping things too long, till i feel like bursting. its just that, its too late to let it out. there arent any people to tell. and even when i want to, i cant. its like wanting to scream, but when i open my mouth, nothing comes out.
im tired of seeking help from nothingness. im tired of all these problems. im just tired of everything.
at first i thought everything was going to be okay after friday, but i was so wrong; now i feel like im ripped into a thousand pieces, which can never be one again.

i just want this pain to stop.

is that too much to ask?