its yet another time when i start becoming so emo again. you can skip this post if you want. this always happens at night, gosh. i seriously hope this is NOT a cycle.

dont know why, but i think i havent been myself lately. dont know whats wrong with my stupid feelings. (i still hadnt managed to scream AHHHH with jolene today.) theres something wrong, but i dont know what. or rather, i know what is wrong but i dont know how to let it out. im starting to feel that im going to BURST with enragement.
its just that. sometimes i go to school sad, but seeing all my darlings i become happy, but at certain parts of the day some sudden sad memories come flashing back in my mind, and i'll be emo and stay quiet and do whatever that is so not me again. i dont think theres anyone like me 心事重重. tried to have faith in myself but i just cant help to chase those stupid feelings away, literally. if there had been once when i was like this, i'll still be at a lost now.
is it anger? or just plain sadness? i cant choose, neither can i see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. sometimes my hopes get high just when friends comfort me, but drive low again when no one's here. how come it seems that no one is facing the same problem as me? they're all so happy; and im getting more and more envious till maybe it turns out to jealousy and anger.
i seriously dont know what to do now. i just feel like screaming my whole heart out, nevermind the scars on my feet. i want to seek help, but i dont know how to. i dont think anything will help, since i tried everything.

what am i going to do?